


The Caucus Race

by Draycevixen



Series: Gean-Jeanie [3]
Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Genderswap, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-03-12
Updated: 2011-03-12
Packaged: 2017-10-15 18:36:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/163703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Draycevixen/pseuds/Draycevixen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeanie is interested in experimenting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Caucus Race

.  
 _Christ I need a drink!_ Gene sat outside Lost and Found, trying to think about what to do next.

He hadn’t been able to fit a flask in the one handbag his wife had left behind when she’d left and when he’d tried to put the flask in his back pocket it had made his arse look lopsided… _Not thinking about that one again_. There were bottles in his office but that meant running the CID gauntlet and that meant dealing with Ray. _Don’t want to be forced to put the lid on Ray’s ability to breed_.

He couldn’t stay in the corridor waiting for Sam to emerge. _Don’t want to think about what’s going on in there. That’s bloody strange. Should be a turn on thinking about Sa… Annie getting fucked. God she tasted good. Finding out how much she wants me didn’t hurt either… well who can resist the Gene/Jeanie? It’s been ten minutes. Got to make a move. Drink, I need a drink. If I go to the pub Sam’ll find me._ Gene stared down at his breasts. _How many lads will I have to maim at the pub?_

Sam walked out of Lost and Found carrying the Harris files. When he saw Gene, he came to sit beside him.

“That was bloody quick Tyler.”

Gene kept his eyes firmly fixed on the wall facing him.

“Didn’t do anything Guv. Just needed a few minutes to pull myself and the Harris files back together.”

“Couldn’t believe you were undoing your… making a move like that. Always knew you were a right nancy.”

“Guv, in what way exactly does it make me a ‘right nancy’ that I lost me mind for a moment when offered the chance to shag two gorgeous women at once?”

Gene leaned his head back against the wall.

“Guess you’ve got a point there Tyler. What are we… _two_ gorgeous women?”

Gene snapped his head around to stare at Sam.

“You make a right gorgeous woman Guv. Surprisingly so.”

 _Why’s he surprised? Doesn’t find me attractive then, well that’s as I thought I... Get a grip Gene!_ “You’re right about me not working here. Hand me the Harris files and I’ll take them home.”

“ _You’re_ going to read case files?”

“Having breasts must be doing me head in. Just cos I normally leave the boring jobs for me poncey little deputy doesn’t mean I can’t read when I have to.”

“Try not to knee anybody on your way out.”

“I’ll make no promises, Tyler. I may have to defend me honour.” Gene cupped his breasts.

“If you stop doing stuff like that you wouldn’t need to defend your honour.”

They both stood up and Sam handed Gene the files.

“I’ll stop by yours later tonight and see how you’re doing.”

“You can bring dinner from the chippy on the corner. I think I best stay in the house.”

 

***

 

When Gene answered his door, Sam thrust a large bunch of flowers at him.

“Tyler you shouldn’t have.”

“I didn’t. They’re from Ray.”

Gene tried to hand them back, but Sam crossed his arms, chippy bag dangling from one hand.

Gene was wearing a pair of his own pyjamas, the arms and legs rolled up in order for them not to swamp ‘Jeanie.’

“What the hell is he thinking?”

“Dunno Guv, that he likes to wear his balls as earrings?”

Sam seemed to stare at him a beat too long before brushing past to carry their dinner into the kitchen.

“Where d’you get those pyjamas Guv? Orange and brown paisley? Enough to make a man go blind.”

Gene got some plates out of the cupboard and some cutlery out of a drawer. “The Missus bought them for me.”

“Marking her territory.”

“Huh?”

“No other woman would touch you in those things.”

“Don’t normally wear anything at all in bed.” Gene noticed Sam’s eyes rake over him and then look away quickly. “The wife’s clothes are uncomfortable.”

“You look sweet in them Guv, just like Doris Day in _The Pajama Game_.”

Sam unwrapped dinner and put it on the plates.

“And you’re offended when I call you a fairy?”

“Me Mum was a big fan of Doris. We used to listen to her albums together.”

“That explains a lot.” Gene dropped the flowers in the top of the rubbish bin.

Sam picked them up. “You can’t do that Guv. There’s a note attached.”

“Read it.”

“It might be personal.” Sam ripped it off the flower wrapper.

“Just read it.”

Sam opened the small envelope and scanned the note inside before starting to tuck it back in the envelope.

Gene rolled his eyes. “Out loud Gladys.”

Sam grinned. “Right. Says ‘If your brother’s alright with it I’d like to take you out to dinner some place nice to apologize for my behaviour. from Raymond.”

Sam handed the note to Gene, who slipped it into the breast pocket of his pyjamas.

“Why’d you do that, Guv?”

“In case I get stuck this way. A girl can always use a free dinner.”

“I bought you fish and chips.”

“I’m not that cheap Tyler, he did say ‘some place nice.’” Gene picked up the plates. “C’mon we’ll eat it in front of the telly.”

They ate in silence, Gene startled to realize that he couldn’t manage his usual trencherman portions. It didn’t stop him from belching loudly though to the obvious amazement of Sam.

“I’m not a girl Tyler.”

“I know that Guv, but from where I’m sitting it’s difficult to remember sometimes.”

Sam had taken the plates out to the kitchen and returned, at Gene’s request, with some beers. The beer consumption had continued, until Gene was sprawled back on the couch, knees spread wide with his hand jammed into the waistband of his pyjama bottoms. As they talked, Sam kept his eyes focused somewhere over Gene’s right shoulder again, much to Gene’s annoyance.

“What’s wrong now Tyler?”

“Nothing Guv.”

“You’ve got that stick up your arse again. Spit it out.”

“Way you’re sitting Guv. Bit suggestive… and your buttons have come undone.”

Gene glanced down. _Bugger! I’m one step away from a Playboy centrefold_. A fair amount of cleavage was exposed and the crotch of his pyjama bottoms was pulled taut against his body. He pulled his hand out of his waistband and refastened the buttons.

“I’m not a girl Tyler. How many times do I have to remind you?”

“I can remember it, but little Sammy has other ideas.”

“ _Little_ Sammy? That’s what you call your todger? No wonder you’re such a big hit with the ladies.”

Gene couldn’t prevent himself from looking at Sam’s crotch, Sam’s tight jeans leaving little to the imagination. _He calls that little?_ Gene ran his tongue across his suddenly dry lips. That seemed to be the signal Sam was waiting for as he pinned Gene back against the arm of the couch and kissed him. And kept on kissing him.

 _I should be breaking him like I broke Ray. Should. Any minute now. This is me, breaking Sam. Seems a lot like kissing him back…_

Sam was the one to finally break the kiss, sliding his hand down the side of Gene’s face to cup his chin and stare deeply into his eyes.

“I want to make love to you, Gene. I need to make love to you.”

Gene laughed so hard he almost threw Sam off the couch.

“What in the hell are you laughing at?”

“The Tyler line in seduction. Does this normally work? I always thought women were too smart for that kind of chat.”

Sam sat upright and crossed his arms across his chest.

“And now you’re going to sulk. Very manly.”

Sam just glared at him, shifting slightly to try to reduce the pressure on his erection, clearly visible against the tight denim.

“Not like it could happen anyway, Tyler. This isn’t poncey Hyde, respectable Mancunians don’t keep strap-ons lying round the house.”

“Why’d we need a strap-on?”

“Well last time I checked me cock still wasn’t back and…”

“Gene I’ve still got a cock…”

“Rub it in.”

“That’s what I was trying to do. Christ Guv, think about it for a moment. You’ve got girl parts…”

“’Girl parts?’ Do I have to explain the birds and bees to you?”

“And I don’t.”

“Don’t what?”

“Have girl parts.”

Sam took Gene’s hand in his own and laid it over his crotch.

 _Not a girl part that’s for bloody sure. Not so little Sammy. Why aren’t I killing him?_

“You’re not in the least bit curious?”

“You just want to screw your DCI.”

“Who wouldn’t want y… want the chance to do that?”

 _More than one way to kill him. Might be fun to take this body out for a test drive._

Gene hurled himself on to Sam who slid half way off the couch under the sudden onslaught. Gene got to his feet and started to pull Sam up by the back of his shirt collar. As his shirt started to rip, Sam got his hands behind him on the couch and helped to push up. Gene changed grips to grab hold of the front of Sam’s shirt, ripping a button off in the process, and started pushing him backward through the door into the hallway.

“Slow down Guv. Where’s the fire?”

“Here. Right now. If we stop moving, and I start thinking it’ll never happen.”

“Right.”

Sam wrapped his arms around Gene, pulling him to him and aggressively kissing him, running his hands up under the back of the pyjama top.

 _Why’d he flinch?_ “Why’d you flinch?”

“No hair.”

“What?”

“Didn’t expect your back to be smooth.”

“Leave the thinking to Little Sammy, Tyler.”

Gene drew him back in and kissed him, slipping his tongue into Sam’s mouth and slipping one hand down to clutch at Sam’s arse. Sam pushed Gene backwards, causing Gene to end up leaning against the coats hanging in the hall. He slipped one knee between Gene’s legs. As Sam pressed, Gene could feel the coat rack pegs digging into him. Gene backed Sam up fast to smack him into the steps, causing Sam to fall backward and hit his head.

“Christ, Gene!”

Gene climbed on top of him, spreading his knees to either side of Sam and licking a strip up the side of Sam’s neck before biting just below his ear. Sam’s hips thrust up against Gene, forcing his erection into contact again with Gene’s crotch.

 _I’m throbbing. Is this like phantom limbs? Phantom cock? Thinking too much. God help me, I’m turning into Tyler!_ As Gene ground against Sam, his left knee cap started to complain. _I may look younger and have tits, but I seem to still have the same injuries._ Gene got up off Sam and offered a hand to help him to stand up.

“This isn’t working, Tyler.”

“You don’t… Right then Guv. I’ll be going and…”

Sam started to move past Gene, who stopped him by wrapping one hand into the tattered remains of his shirt.

“Where you going Tyler? Never could stand a tease.”

“You said…”

“Stairs were killing me knees. Let’s try to make it to the bed before major injuries occur.”

“ _Before?_ ”

“Not making any promises you’ll be able to walk straight for a week.”

“Think that’s supposed to be my line, Guv.”

“Promises, promises.”

 

***

In the bedroom, everything slowed down. Sam shifted awkwardly from foot to foot as Gene watched him.

“Tyler?”

“Sorry, Guv. I guess getting the wind knocked out of me sobered me up some. This is just weird and I know weird, believe me. You’re not a girl.”

“Think we already covered that Tyler, but,” Gene moved in closer and, undoing the few buttons still holding Sam’s shirt closed, pushed it off of his shoulders. “This is the one time you have permission to think of me as a girl.”

“Right, Guv. Don’t know if that’s going to help.”

Gene opened his pyjama jacket and moved Sam’s hands to cup his breasts.

“But that certainly helps.” Sam lathed Gene’s left breast with his mouth, pinching lightly at his right nipple.

 _There’s that heaviness in me stomach again. Definitely not indigestion._

Sam edged Gene backward until his knees collided with the edge of the bed. Gene fell back onto it, supporting himself on his elbows.

“Get your kit off.”

Sam froze. “What?”

“Strip.”

Sam reached for his jeans, hand hovering over his flies.

“Now who’s being a girl, Tyler?”

As Sam continued to hover, Gene stood up, dropped his pyjama bottoms and lay back down on the bed, completely naked.

“I’ve shown you mine, now you show me yours.”

“It’s different.” Sam moved his hands away from his flies to his hips.

Gene cupped his breasts before running his hands down his sides to stroke his own thighs. “It’d better be.”

“I didn’t mean… I meant I’m not really seeing _you_ naked.”

“This isn’t naked?”

“That’s not really your body. But once I take my clothes off you’ll be able to see me naked, remember me naked.”

 _I should hope so._

“And I’m not sure you’ll want that.”

 _I’m sure_.

“So perhaps I should leave and—”

“You didn’t seem to have any problem with the idea of me seeing you naked in Lost and Found.” _He wants Annie, not me, I was just the excuse_. “Do we need to invite Annie over? I think she’d like to—”

Sam stepped forward rapidly, unzipping his fly. “No, I don’t want Annie… I don’t want Annie here.”

Sam pushed his jeans off his hips, skimming them down his legs, taking his socks with them.

Gene watched the play of muscle in Sam’s arms, chest and thighs as he moved.

 _I was right, he doesn’t wear draws. Where would he find any big enough?_

“You call that _little_ Sammy?”

Sam grinned, putting his hands back on his hips. “Well I don’t want to scare anyone off, Guv.”

 _He’s slightly built elsewhere, but he’s beautiful. Beautiful? Bugger, I’m so screwed… with any luck!_ “Come here.”

Ignoring Gene’s arms, Sam knelt on the floor at the edge of the bed and ran his hands over Gene’s thighs before dipping his head.

 _That’s strange. His tongue’s barely touching me and yet there’s so much moisture. Nothing much else yet, just pleasant feelings of his mouth on me. Maybe he’s not very good at this. There’s that strange hollow ache again. I know women all like different things, maybe I don’t like it this soft. Maybe I’m the kind of woman who… NOT A WOMAN! Maybe I have the kind of girl parts that like it hard, like a little more suction, maybe I need to draw him a diagr… Fuck! No wonder women are screamers!_ “Right there Sam, right there! No you lost it, up a little, left a bit, harder, _harder, HARDER! Fucking hell, SAM!_ ”

“Christ Gene! Can you take your fingernails out of me scalp!”

“Huh?”

“Smothering me.”

Gene released Sam’s head from his death grip. Sam crawled up on to the bed alongside Gene, turning to lie on his back and breathing heavily.

“I wasn’t trying to kill you Tyler, I just wasn’t prepared for that.”

“S’alright Guv, not the worst way in the world for a man to die. I wish all women… I wish women would give as many clues.”

“That was bloody amazing. And just think, women can do that over and over again.”

“Yeah pity the straight ones have to rely on us, who can’t.”

 _What’s he waiting for? I can hear his brain turning over from here._

“Well, experiment over, Guv. Orgasm accomplished right?”

“Right smartly.”

“Then I’ll be picking up me clothes and—”

As Sam started to get up Gene rolled over him and pinned him to the bed. He could feel Sam’s erection hard against his stomach.

“I don’t think Little Sammy wants you to leave.”

“He doesn’t do the thinking around here.”

“Well maybe he should.”

“Look I can eat you again if you want Guv, but the other options here are a hand job—”

“Not happening.” _While my hand is this size._

“A blow job—”

“Also not happening.” _Unless you can return it._

“or intercourse.”

“You can’t call it shagging like any other bloke would?”

“None of which Gene Hunt is going to be able to remember without wanting to kill me once Jeanie is gone.”

 _Well, I couldn’t do this kind of shagging with Sam with me own body, so I wouldn’t be missing out_. “Shagging it is.”

Gene saw the shock on Sam’s face right before he kissed him. _He tastes odd. Hang on a minute, that taste is me. Which is bloody odd enough!_ Gene let his body drop on to Sam’s – _At this weight I won’t kill him_ – and slid his hands down Sam’s legs before pulling up.

Sam broke the kiss. “What you doing, Guv?”

“Well it’s like this Tyler, when a boy bee wants to shag a girl bee...”

“I know about the birds an’ the bees, Guv”

“Then what?”

“You’ve got me legs wrapped around your waist. That just won’t work.”

“You’re right. Force of habit.”

“Shouldn’t be surprised, Guv. You strike me as the missionary type.”

“Well thanks to me, many women have seen God.”

Gene rolled to his back, taking Sam with him, moving his legs up over Sam’s shoulders.

“You’re sure you don’t want me to—”

“Just do it.”

“But you…”

“Still sopping wet, Sam. You did a good job. Now, before I change me mind.”

Sam reached down with one hand to line himself up and thrust forward.

“Christ!” Gene arched off the bed.

“God I’m sorry Guv, didn’t realize you were a virgin.”

Sam started to withdraw, only to be halted by Gene locking his ankles around his neck. Gene glared up at him.

 _Virgin?_ “You div. I haven’t been a virgin since I first got me leg over at thirteen. Just another bloody weirdness of suddenly having girl parts. Don’t stop.”

Sam slowly slid the rest of the way in, before kissing him.

 _Bloody weird, the feeling of fullness I was expecting but… What happens if I flex me muscles?_

Sam groaned loudly as Gene tightened around him.

 _What’s it going to be like when he moves?_ “Move!”

“Huh?”

“Fuck me!”

Sam drew his hips back and slammed home again.

 _He didn’t need telling twice… for once._

Sam kept thrusting, angling his body to hit Gene’s clit with every down stroke, picking up speed.

 _Like a bloody jack rabbit!_

Gene clutched at Sam’s arse, feeling it flex under his hands with every stroke. _Could his arse be any more perfect? Yeah it could be, if my cock…_

Feeling close to coming, Gene reached down to stroke his cock as Sam continued to ream him.

 _So fucking good! I’m so close, a few tugs on my cock and… my cock? So Sam’s in…_ “My arse?”

Sam’s eyes snapped open as Gene spoke, his mouth forming into a perfect ‘O’ of horror, before he came, yelling Gene’s name.

Gene tugged twice more and came all over his own hand, before dropping his legs. Sam pulled out, scrambling backward off the bed.

 _What’s his problem?_

Sam started picking up his clothes, holding them in front of his body.

 _Trust Sam not to just pass out like any normal man would._

“Right, Guv. Guess I’ll be going then. I’ll just let myself out.”

 _He wouldn’t have struck me as the fuck and run type._

Sam was trying to pick up his socks without looking at the ground.

 _He keeps watching me. Bugger he’s terrified. Thinks I’m going to drag me carcass off the bed and kill him!_ “What no cuddle then?”

“Huh?”

“Very eloquent. Where’s me mouthy deputy now?”

Sam froze, still clutching his clothes. “I’m sorry Guv. I didn’t know you’d changed back, I would have stopped. I swear I would have stopped.”

“Then you’re a better man than me. I couldn’t have stopped that close to coming.”

“But you didn’t agree—”

“I did agree.” _What’s he on about?_

“Not as you. You didn’t agree as you, Guv. As Jeanie, you agreed.”

 _So he does think I’m going to kill him._

“I’ll get a transfer, Guv, you’ll never have to see me again. I won’t tell anyone, I swear. Who’d believe me anyway?”

Gene propped himself up in the bed. “Come here Tyler.”

“Why?”

“’Cos I asked nicely.”

Sam edged toward the bed, still holding his clothes, stopping a few paces away.

“What is it, Guv?”

“Way I see it is this. That’s two cherries you owe me.”

“Already said I was sorry Guv, didn’t meant to take either—”

“Shut it Tyler. I’m talking here. The way I see it you owe me some virgin arse—”

“No, Guv.”

 _That’s that then_. Gene swung his legs over the side of the bed facing away from Sam. “Should have known you weren’t really a nancy.”

“You’re right, I’m not.”

“Right then.”

 _Why’s the bed dipping?_

Sam wrapped his arms around Gene’s chest, pulling in to Gene’s back and kissing his neck.

Gene removed Sam’s hands and turned to face him.

“Stop, Sam. I’m not going to kill you or expect you to transfer. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

“But I want to do this. I want _you_.”

“But you said no.”

“I said no in answer to your statement because I don’t have a virgin arse. As it happens, I swing both ways.”

“Jeanie was ideal for you then, right?”

“Hardly. I want _you_. Have wanted you. I just thought Jeanie was the closest I’d ever get to having you.” Sam slid his hand down to caress Gene’s already semi-hard erection. “What d’you say we try this again, Guv?”

 _Fuck his hand feels good_.

Sam let go and slid over to lie on his stomach, turning his head to look at Gene.

“Got anything that might work as lube, Guv?”

 _I miss his hand_. “What’s your hurry? I though we might—”

“Don’t want to miss me chance, before Jeanie wears off completely.”

“What you going on about now?”

“Gene Hunt is a homophobe who’d kill me before he’d fuck me. I’m thinking your interest either has to be due to some strange sense of ‘fair dos’ – you did mention trading virginities. Or idle curiosity -- now you’ve had it from a woman’s perspective why not cover this too? Or the chemicals that produced Jeanie are still having some strange effect on your brain.”

“The problem with over-thinking everything Tyler, is that you often miss the obvious.”

“Which is?”

Gene pointed at the bedside table. “Look in the top drawer.”

Sam slid across the bed and opened the drawer. Inside was a bottle of lube.

“You just happen to keep this here?”

“No. After the wife left—”

“Oh right you—” Sam wrapped his hand into a fist and slid it in a up and down motion in the air.

“Shut it, Tyler. When she left I thought about why it didn’t bother me more and I realized it was because of you.”

“Me?”

“I wanted you. I want you. Didn’t know what me chances were but figured I best ‘be prepared.’ Was a Scout once.”

Sam slid back across the bed wrapping his hand back around Gene’s cock and licking his way up the side of his neck before whispering in his ear, “show me your woggle.”

Gene dragged Sam’s head up to his and kissed him, running his tongue inside his mouth before biting lightly at his lower lip. Sam groaned.

 _Nice and responsive. God his hand! So much firmer than a woman’s hand._

Sam broke the kiss and moved downward, stopping to lick at Gene’s nipples, before lightly biting them, all the while stroking with his hand.

 _Why does that almost feel as good as when I had breasts. Because Sam’s doing it to the real me. Oh Fuck!_

Sam slid his mouth down over Gene’s cock swallowing it, with a slight pause, to the root.

 _No one’s ever done that before!_

Sam’s mouth slid up again, before tonguing at the head of Gene’s cock. Gene blindly reached for Sam’s body curled into him on the bed, closing his hand over Sam’s cock.

Sam’s head jerked back. “You don’t have to do… ungh… I was just in your—”

“Not a girl, Sam. Not in the least bit prissy.”

Gene kept stroking him as Sam returned to sucking Gene’s cock, Gene’s actions speeding him up.

 _If I don’t stop him now, it’ll all be over…_

Gene let go of Sam and pulled him up from his lap. Sam whined in frustration, pulling back against him.

 _Did he actually whine?_ Gene rolled Sam over on to his stomach again, Sam suddenly becoming very cooperative.

Gene ran his hands possessively over Sam’s arse, Sam arching upward at his touch. He reached for the lube, pouring some into his hands and coating his erection.

“Gene?”

“I’m coming, Sam.”

“Not just yet I hope.”

Gene slapped his arse, and Sam wiggled, again straining upward. Gene poured more lube onto his fingers before reaching to slick between Sam’s arse cheeks, pushing in first one finger and then two. Sam groaned and strained. When Gene started scissoring his fingers, Sam bit down on the pillow he was grasping.

Gene smoothed his other hand down the length of Sam’s back.

“You don’t have to be quiet Sammy. I want to hear you.”

“For Chrissake, fuck me!”

“Well you did say I need to learn to follow instructions.”

Gene slid up on to his knees raising Sam’s hips toward him. Sam pushed back immediately.

“Patience, Sam. All good things come to those who wait.”

Gene pushed forward breaching him and then stopped.

Sam hissed.

 _God he’s so fucking hot… and tight. Like he’s strangling me cock. Bloody hell, that’s amazing, it’s—_

“Gene I’m begging you here, fuck me!”

Gene pushed all the way in and stopped, realizing his own breathing was now as ragged as Sam’s. Gene wanted to hover exactly there, at a strange moment between pleasure and pain as Sam’s muscles clamped down on him, but then Sam pushed back hard against him and all thought was gone.

Gene started fucking in earnest, Sam pushing back against him every time. Gene reached under Sam’s hips to wrap his right hand around Sam’s cock, while his left hand dug so deeply into Sam’s arse he knew he’d leave bruises. It was over faster than either one of them would have liked, Gene coming deep inside Sam’s body and Sam coming all over Gene’s hand.

Gene pulled out and Sam rolled over, reaching up to drag Gene down into a kiss.

Gene pulled back to stare down at him, propped up on his left elbow. _He’s thinking too much again. He’s not looking at me._ “Spill it Sam.”

“Would you want to do this again?”

“For fuckssake Tyler, I may be the Gene Genie, but three times in an hour might be a bit—”

“Didn’t mean right now, Gene. Meant you wanted me. You’ve _had_ me. Is that all there is to this story?”

Gene stared straight into Sam’s eyes and carefully and deliberately started licking Sam’s come off of his right hand.

“What do you think, Sammy?”

.


End file.
